Parents, Let Your Children Conquer Their Own Situations
As parents, we all want to do the best thing for our children. We will go to any lengths to do that. Yet if we don’t know what the best thing for our children is, maybe we are not able to serve them to the best of our ability. So what is the greatest gift we should give our children? Is it love? Is it communication? Is it confidence? Is it education?
In my opinion, through many years of coaching, I’ve come to the conclusion that the greatest gift you can give your children is this:
Give them the ability to handle any situation that is thrust upon them.
If your children can handle any scenario, then you never need to worry about them because you know that they’ll always get it handled. This gift to them will enable them to be more loving, confident, secure, centered, peaceful, joyful, successful, happier, and fulfilled.
How do you give them this ability?
You have to throw adversity at them.
I remember reading a biography of Richard Branson when I was in my early 20’s whereby Richard was thrust into a field five miles from home and told to make his way home by himself — which he did successfully. That adversity made him into a stronger person.
I wanted to do a similar act when my children were seven and five, but was shot down by my wife who said I was crazy! So we compromised. I would take my son, Ajay (7), and my daughter, Anu (5), into the central London Underground system and ask them to make their way home. They had already been instructed on who to ask directions from (policemen, Underground uniformed staff members), where to stand safely (near a help station or an Underground staff member), what to look out for (keep away from young youths or rowdy behavior), not to talk to strangers, to hold each other’s hands, to keep alert, and appear confident.
As a loving father, I did not just dump them in the system, but was ten feet behind them just to make sure that all was well. Ajay and Anu had to assume I was not there and were instructed to get home without my assistance in any way. They completed this task successfully, which instilled in them the ability to get home from anywhere if anything were to ever happen.
At the ages of eighteen, both Anu and Ajay traveled around the world alone for one year, taking responsibility for all travel arrangements, lodging, and their itinerary. This is one example of throwing adversity at your children, which, in my opinion, had a profound effect on their lives.
Other examples of adversity would be:
1. Asking your children to give you directions home in the car. If they make a wrong turn, ask them how that they would get out of that situation.
2. Give them some scenarios of how they would respond, for example: if mum had an accident, what would they do? If dad had an accident, what would they do? If their car broke down, what would they do? If a stranger knocked on the door, what would they do? If they hurt themselves, what would they do? If someone was following them, what would they do? If someone grabbed them, what would they do? If someone was mean to them, what would they do? If they failed at something, what would they do?
This is just like a muscle, the stronger it gets, the easier it gets.
Anil works with successful individuals and companies to create rapid and lasting change through methodologies he has developed in his seminars. He has been featured on Sky TV, Fox TV, Harvard as well as being author of best seller, Immediate Happiness. He travels all over the world and has many well known clients. He gets to the heart of the matter and leaves people living a richer, fuller, happier and abundant life whereby they get to live their lives at a much higher level. To discover how happy you really are please collect your happiness score here.
- Anil Gupta
Feeling Blessed Through Hard Times
Some fun times in the last month.
Adrian spent Easter in the hospital, but we dressed him up and made the most of it. Started third chemo cycle (has about 6 months total hopefully he finishes in September). He’s losing his hair, but it’s not fully gone yet. It’s toughest on him the week after an intense chemo round when he gets neutropenic (or pancytopenic as he did in his last round requiring blood and platelet transfusions).
He turns two in a couple of weeks on May 16 and we pray that he will be able to spend at home.
I used to wonder why this happened to him. I used to think that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. I would blame myself — is this karmic revenge for all of the bad things that I had ever done in this (or other) lifetime(s)? I would think why me? Why him? It’s so unfair that a child should suffer from cancer at such a young age and I would take it on for him.
But then I remembered that this is just a thought. A story I’m telling myself. It is a mindset issue. An underlying feeling of playing a victim, not in control of my circumstance and my life. And a thought can be changed.
What if you could find the gift and Grace in the worst moment in your life? Wouldn’t that be the secret to happiness and beauty and love that is accessible at any time?
I remembered that life doesn’t happen to me, but rather life happens for me.
While I can’t control the external things that happen, I can control my internal approach. I can control how I respond to things.
So what are the gifts that I have found from Adrian going through this?
I’ve learned to prioritize my family and quality time with them.
I’ve learned to be even more present with Adrian and truly appreciate the time that I get so spend with this sweet, happy baby.
I’ve learned to appreciate the strength of my wife Alicia Tran, Adrian’s primary care giver and guardian.
I’ve grown closer to my extended family who all have deepened their bonds to us and Adrian.
I’ve found love and compassion and support from friends and even strangers.
I’ve learned the importance of self care to bring my full presence to my family, to my work, and to others.
I’ve learned to extend Grace to others who are suffering. They say that hurt people hurt people. I’ve learned that the only response to pain is compassion. And while I’m no mother Teresa, I find that now I am more easily able to see through the illusion when others are suffering.
When people respond by lashing out with fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, they are hurting. And I love them and wish them well and have compassion for them more than I ever did before.
We never really know what others are going through. But we are all on the same sort of journey. And of course life is impermanent. We get a temporary pass to live on Earth for maybe 100 years, or maybe a lot shorter of a time span. I’ve had the privilege of learning just how special this time we have together is. I look forward to making the most of it. And I wish you well on your journey too!
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Anil Gupta, Rapidly Transforms Relationships at Gupta Global Foundation
Anil is a world expert on relationships and happiness. He has coached some of the most famous celebrities on the planet like Mike Tyson, a guest speaker on Richard Branson's Necker Island and inspiring slum kids in Mumbai, India. He enjoys helping people overcome obstacles that prevent them living a fulfilled life and has appeared on stages all over the world and recently was keynote speaker in Medellin, Colombia in front of 10,000 raving fans. He has appeared at Harvard on a number of occasions and is a guest speaker on Fox News as well as best selling international author of Immediate Happiness. His work has been translated in 8 languages and has spoken on four continents performing life changing workshops. Anil is dedicating the rest of his life to impacting one billion lives.
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