A Family Exercise For The Perfect Dinner Conversation

The Gupta Dinner Conversation

This is a great exercise we do on a regular basis as we sit around the dinner table. It has a profound affect on our lives. The conversation typically consists of six or more questions and the questions are asked of each member of the family. They are given the opportunity to express themselves and then receive the response and encouragement from other family members. This is how it goes:

Question 1: What did you do today that you have not been thanked for?

I would ask my spouse, Meena, first and she may say something like, “I cooked this meal for everyone but no one appreciated it.”

My response would be: “Honey, I want to thank you for the love, care, and nutrition you have provided for us in this meal. I am so grateful you have the time to prepare such an offering to us. Thank you.”

My son, Ajay, would thank mum for the meal she cooked.

My daughter, Anu, would thank mum for the meal she cooked.

Ajay would reply something like, “Dad, I got this amazing grade at school and you completely ignored me.”

My response would be, “Son, I’m so proud of you. I have tremendous respect for you and I see a beautiful future for you. I love and care for you to the highest level possible. You mean everything to me. You did a great job, I’m so proud of you.”

Meena would congratulate Ajay.

Anu would congratulate Ajau.

Question 2: Is there anything in the past that you have not been thanked for?

Question 3: What act of kindness did you see today?

Meena would something like, “I saw someone pay for someone else’s coffee at the coffee shop today.”

Ajay would say something like, “I saw someone hold the door for someone else.”

Anu would say something like, “I saw someone say thank you for great service.”

I would say something like, “I saw someone pay for another person’s toll charge.”

Question 4: What act of kindness did you perform?

My wife would say something like, “I complimented a waitress for her service.”

My son would say something like, “I thanked my teacher.”

My daughter would say something like, “I helped a friend with her homework.”

I would say something like, “I called up a friend to thank him for his companionship.”

Question 5: What are you grateful for?

My wife would say something like, “The great weather.”

My son would say something like, “Being able to play tennis in the warmth.”

My daughter would say something like, “Being able to play with friends.”

I would say something like, “Having great friends.”

Question 6: What was magical about today?

My wife would say something like, “The way the sunlight hit the water and caused a beautiful reflection.”

My son would say something like, “Seeing kids play in the fountain.”

My daughter would say something like, “Laughing at a joke.”

I would say something like, “Watching a child eating ice cream.”

Question 6: Is there anything on your mind that you wish to discuss?

For example, one day my son said, “Dad, you lied to me.”

I said, “Son, I have a very high level of integrity and would you mind sharing your thoughts?”

“Dad, the other day you said you would play with me in fifteen minutes, but you took over an hour.”

“Son, you are absolutely right. Do you have the heart to forgive me? That wasn’t my intention, but I didn’t keep my word and my word is important to me. In that moment I took you for granted. I apologize.”

He replied, “Thanks, Dad, I accept your apology.”

I then made him a promise for the future by saying, “Thank you for your forgiveness, I am committed to that not happening again.”

This exercise would be repeated the following day with my wife leading the meeting. Each member of the family takes a turn leading the conversation. Each leader is able to ask any additional questions they deem relevant to expand the conversation. In our house, the leader order is as follows:

Day 1 Leader: Anil

Day 2 Leader: Meena

Day 3 Leader: Ajay

Day 4 Leader: Anu

Day 5 Leader: Anil, etc., etc.

By requiring each person to take responsibility for the meeting, their level of awareness will increase as they know what will be asked of them and hence can be proactive instead of reactive. Their mindset will change and be seeking to perform acts of kindness, as well as to notice acts of kindness, which they may not have been able to do before. Their level of gratitude would also increase as they’re constantly seeking for things for which to be grateful. The more gratitude and giving in your life, the more fulfilled you will be.

It’s very important that we are aware of what we say and what our word is. It is so easy to say things and not keep our word to the letter. Sometimes we take the people around us for granted and they’re the people we love the most. By being aware of what we say and what we do, we can increase our ability to keep our word and live to a higher standard. The quality of our lives is determined by the standards we keep. The higher the standards, the higher the quality of life. This beautiful exercise allows each individual to grow in many ways.

This exercise has a dramatic effect on the family in that it creates great, authentic communication. It will pick up problems that family members are having but would otherwise not be willing to discuss. It will enable issues of bullying and suicide to be picked up early so that remedial action can be swiftly taken. It increases the awareness each individual has for themselves and others so they can have a much higher level of integrity. This exercise creates leadership qualities in young people at a much earlier age. It creates a greater level of confidence, communication, and honesty in children, which affects every aspect of their lives. To reach a fulfilled life, you need to give, be grateful, and to grow.

This exercise can also b integrated into family gatherings with some minor modification that would suit the family environment.

This exercise can be performed with work colleagues by changing the actual questions asked to ones similar to below

What have you done that you have not been thanked for?

What do you love about your work ?

What can we do to make your employment more enjoyable and satisfying?

What is an issue that a customer had ?

How can we improve your service ?

How can we improve our product?

How can we improve our delivery ?

etc. etc.

Anil works with successful individuals and companies to create rapid and lasting change through methodologies he has developed in his seminars. He has been featured on Sky TV, Fox TV, Harvard as well as being author of best seller, Immediate Happiness. He travels all over the world and has many well known clients. He gets to the heart of the matter and leaves people living a richer, fuller, happier and abundant life whereby they get to live their lives at a much higher level. To discover how happy you really are please collect your happiness score here.

Our Son's Journey to a Cancer FREE Life!

Adrian had his last chemotherapy cycle ever on Friday.

This has been a very long time coming.

There are no words to adequately describe the pain that I felt when my less than two year old son was diagnosed with a rare kidney cancer called Clear Cell Sarcoma of the Kidney (CCSK) back in February. My life turned upside down, and my whole family was devastated. We didn’t sleep much; instead, we worried — would Adrian survive? Would he be given the chance to grow up? Would this nightmare ever end? What did he do or we do to deserve this?

The pain didn’t go away by following the line of questioning “why me, why us?” The pain didn’t go away when I suppressed it. It didn’t go away when I stomped and screamed and fought and cried.

It didn’t go away when I bitched and moaned my situation, as if a victim in my own life with no control.

But I had the great privilege of experiencing tremendous love and support from health care workers. From family and friends. And even from total strangers. And I didn’t realize it at the time that I did it, but it turned out that hiring a coach for my business ended up transforming my life in a big way. I had read all the self-help books and really was working on myself and leveling up in life. But the one thing that shifted my perspective the most was my coach telling me to take 100% responsibility over my life. Even the things that would seem out of my control.

I learned to love that Adrian has cancer. Because I was living in a daydream before, complaining and worrying about stupid things that don’t matter in life. Putting my energy into all the wrong places. I was so ungrateful for the gift of life that was bestowed upon myself and my son. But now, I have learned to love that which seemed unloveable. I love that my son had cancer, because in this day and age with modern medicine, he had a fighting chance whereas he would not have 50 years ago when CCSK was first reported.

I learned to love that he had cancer, because now I find gratitude in just taking a breath and seeing him take one too. I learned to recognize that despite the fact that Adrian is the one fighting cancer, he is incredibly loving and joyful. And that loving awareness is something that cannot be diminished no matter how many times he was operated on, had an NG tube placed, had chemo, was admitted to the hospital, received blood product transfusions or antibiotics, and otherwise was poked and prodded.

And now I am so lucky to find this joy in my own life too. And I hope to share it with others. Life is too short to be nasty to other people. I’ve done my fair share of it and it didn’t make things better. Love makes things better. It connects us all. We’re not perfect. I’m definitely not perfect. I still get a little frustrated if some jerk cuts me off in traffic or the grocery line is long and people don’t know how to self check out. But I get a lot less flustered. And I catch myself sooner.

And I take a breath and remember that It’s all okay and I can find love, safety, and joy in every moment, regardless of my external circumstances. That this love I carry in my heart with me any time, any place, and is instantly available to me and accessible to me when I choose to remember. And I can bring this joy to little Adrian too. And to his mama. And to all of my family and friends and even to strangers. Even to people who may have wronged me or seem to have done bad things. We can all learn to love that which appears to be unlovable. I hope this brings you some joy and peace. Thank you for reading and coming along for our journey. We’re still not through with it all since adrian still had to recover from this last cycle of chemo, but we’re on a solid path with a bright future.

Much love and light to you

-Patrick

PS Thanks Daniel Del Real for throwing a cool party and giving Adrian a memorable end to his last day of chemo!

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Anil Gupta, Rapidly Transforms Relationships at Gupta Global Foundation

Anil is a world expert on relationships and happiness. He has coached some of the most famous celebrities on the planet like Mike Tyson, a guest speaker on Richard Branson's Necker Island and inspiring slum kids in Mumbai, India. He enjoys helping people overcome obstacles that prevent them living a fulfilled life and has appeared on stages all over the world and recently was keynote speaker in Medellin, Colombia in front of 10,000 raving fans. He has appeared at Harvard on a number of occasions and is a guest speaker on Fox News as well as best selling international author of Immediate Happiness. His work has been translated in 8 languages and has spoken on four continents performing life changing workshops. Anil is dedicating the rest of his life to impacting one billion lives.